So close…

Recently, I’ve taken up sport climbing (by recent I mean in the last month or so…)
Somehow, it’s a sport that’s really clicked.  Maybe it reminds me so much of all the monkeying around in elementary school… back to the days when the mentality was “if there is something in front of you, it can likely be climbed on” (…trees, walls, fences, poles…rocks…sorry neighbours!).  

It’s clicked so well that even my thought process alludes itself to climbing. Recently…it’s been confusing.  So as per every confusing climb, I shut the world out and thought.


Before you start, you stand and look at the goal at the top.  You can map out the beginning of the route, but soon it all seems too far – too far out of reach, to see properly, to plan properly.


Still you take a deep breath and start the climb, one careful step at a time.  Up and up, towards that ultimate goal.  You run into a dead end…take a side step….take a step down….try again.


So close….


Until you reach a point where it just hurts.  It hurts to reach, it hurts to hold on, and it hurts even more to let go and fall.


So close…


10 seconds…
1 minute….
Until it feels like a lifetime that you’ve been clinging on.

Until you realise letting go isn’t that hard.  You won’t fall far because there’s someone holding you; and even if there wasn’t, you’ll always get back up to climb again.


And at that moment you wonder to yourself why you hung on so hard in the first place…. because in the end, that’s what made you hurt the most.

Still…when you look back up at that goal….it hurts knowing you were so close.


….yet so far.


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holy it’s been a year…

what an insane, i-have-no-idea-what-happened year… (well i do know…but you probably don’t need to know)

let’s start new, shall we?  

다음주말에 한국에서 여행가요~ 
it will be trip number 2 to korea, this time with my aunt flying in from HK to join me before we both head back to HK.  i very much look forward to the trip…there is still so much to see, so much to eat in korea.  unfortunately i will be doing some repeats as my aunt hasn’t seen it…so…it will be the blind leading the blind for a 5 day whirlwind tour of seoul 🙂

then off to hk we go…and as per usual i will be hit with my annual dose of guilt from the family to move back to hk and work there instead.  and then i’ll probably come back to vancouver and try and consider it again…. and then i will realise i really can’t work and live in hk, i will simply fade away.

———– xo ———–

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So…I’ve finally decided to sign up for Korean classes at a local language school here in Vancouver.  I gotta say, it’s so much fun that even though my thursdays end up being 12 hour days including work and class, I don’t actually mind (that’s saying a lot from someone who totally hates mornings with a passion).

So far, it’s still quite beginner, introductions and such…stuff that I already sort of know.  But it’s getting tougher now and I’m really excited.  My Korean friends and coworkers often point out certain words and phrases for me…now I just have to learn in class how to link all those phrases together to make a meaningful conversation. 😛 keke I have found many similarities with Chinese (well…duh…considering…lol) so it’s been ok remembering words and sentence structures.  Soon (hopefully)..I’ll actually understand all the songs I’ve memorized! Or watch a show without having to read the subs! (wishful thinking, I know….ha >_< )

Pororo is also a great help if you’re learning Korean. Seriously, cutest cartoon…. and it’s for kids…so you learn certain phrases in each episode (and how to write them!).  I spent all 10 hours of flight to Korea watching Pororo and his friends lol.

I have 2 more classes in my introduction-introduction course…before moving on to the beginner-introduction (they’re not actually called that … just…that’s what it is haha).  Hopefully in the next 2 weeks, I can figure out how not to write like a 5 year old. Not sure if even Pororo can help with that one. 😀

When I go back to Korea next year (fingers and toes crossed)… I vow to at least be able to ask for directions and order my food 😛 Must…work…to…fit…in…with…my…name! (My Korean friends gave me a Korean name…lol 저는 박준희 에요…반갑숩니다~….did I write it right?)


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It’s been a while!  Life has been a zoo…and while I can’t say I loved every minute of it, it’s definitely got it’s moments.

I spent 2 weeks in April in Korea this year.  It was my first ever trip there, and my first ever trip where I went not knowing what to expect.  It was sort of a spur of the moment sort of trip, mainly because my friend would be there and could take me around, and partially from the curiousity that korean pop culture has instilled in me.

The flight there was fantastic.  My ever faithful travel partner (a stuffed monkey by the name of Bobo) and I jumped on to our Korean Air flight heading to Seoul, and landed to much excitement and more than a little nervousness.  My friend would be spending three days with me at my hotel, then I’ll be off on my own for a bit before joining up with her again for a side trip to Jejudo.  It was great that her sister was able to join us, and in the end it was her sister who booked everything!

Long story short, Korea met every expectation I had and more.  I visited the old palaces, old shrines, the Royal Tombs, ate everywhere, and shopped even more.  I loved that the people of Korea carried with them so much pride in their culture and history, but at the same time they are so…modern.  The fact that I could look out the front gates of their Gyeongbokgong straight out into the busy streets of Seoul…or walk from in between rows upon rows of high rises into Insadong and have tea at a traditional teahouse… or how different the scenery is if I took an hour’s bus ride out to the royal tombs, then bus back and end up at one of the trendiest shopping areas before walking back to my hotel.  It was such a thrill….

Of course, I did a whole bunch of crazy tourist things: took sticker pictures while wearing a hanbok, had bbq til I sweated bacon, ate mile high ice cream cones, had much street food, went to Namsan tower at night to look at the lights….etcetc. Oh yeah and I shopped of course.  Surprisingly, I didn’t buy much!  I think I was more interested in visiting the places and living the culture….and visiting JYP Entertainment in Gangnam. Hahaha.  Yup….I’m crazy =p

My friends all asked if I enjoyed my trip there…and I honestly replied that it would be a place I can see myself living in.  I’m not sure how I would find working there because I haven’t tried…but in the city, there is so much activity and so many people – not unlike Hong Kong.  But unlike Hong Kong, there’s so much space, and so much CLEAN space in Korea – which is not unlike Vancouver.  So in my mind it is best of the two places that my heart is stretched over.

Then there’s Jejudo…if you go to Korea, you must spend a couple of days there.  This place was spectacular….so many things to see…I want to go back and climb Hallasan…I want to go back and watch the sunset again..I want to go back and just sit at the cliffs and just be.  It’s hard to find a place where you can just BE. And maybe while i’m being, I’m going to eat oranges and drink makguli 😉

In my two weeks there, I felt the warmth that was reserved for foreigners as people stopped to help me when I got lost….or helped me find someone who could help.  It really opened my eyes and made me reflect on how I should treat people who just need a hand, and how much a simple smile could make someone’s day.

Thank you Korea for a wonderful time.  My theme song for the entire time I was there was “I’ll Be Back” by 2PM (of course)….and I will be…I promise 🙂


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I was recently chatting with an old friend because she was once again pulled back into the depression that comes along with a bad break up.  Simply put, she is unable to let go of her ex, even though from a third party point of view, this guy is pretty highly ranked in the world of douchebags.  She spoke with me probably because not many people are awake at 2am…and possibly because she watched me go through the same thing a while back.  Having gotten past it, you look back and you wonder why you even bothered wasting time on such a person…and why you wasted the effort in being sad.   People ask you if you regret having spent so many years with this one person who didn’t treasure you… and when you can honestly say Yeah, I do….then you know 1) you’re definitely over it and 2) you must’ve been drugged. Just kidding 😛

But to be frank, I do regret having wasted my time and my tears….but on the bright side, it did teach me that it’s the little things in life that makes life life.  When the person you trust most leaves you behind, then every day is a struggle until you find your feet. For me, it opened my eyes to all the things worth living for…and how little right I have to cry these tears where there are millions of little kids out there who actually have nothing and still they live.  So I smile and make my life one that is worth living.

When I told my friend that, she told me that I was stronger than she is.  Which…I don’t think it’s true.  I’m just lazier…and being lazy, I don’t want to waste effort on something totally not worth my time. Namely being sad. It takes effort, you know…laughing is much easier.

I found this video today (Because of my recently gained obsession on 2PM). Nichkhun’s got it pretty much the way I see it…

Struggles make my heart beat, because I know they make me stronger.  That’s why I’ll never give up, that’s why I’m not afraid to fail.  Today I face another obstacle…and so my heart starts beating….again.

…are just another part of life.

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March 20, 2012 · 6:58 am

Winter, Spring…

It’s always so exciting to plan trips.  I’ve actually probably never planned any trips before. hahaha.  Mexico was planned by the wedding planner (and the excursions were decided on the spot when we arrived), HK is just going home. Vegas…I just went along…

BUT THIS TIME! I’m planning for myself…cuz I’m pretty much going by myself lol. To a land of unknown.  Unknown cuz well I don’t understand their language and they most probably won’t understand mine.  I wonder if my mediocre Mandarin will work in Korea. lol.  Either way I’m so super excited…and really nervous.

I’m studying hard…to hopefully know more than “hi”, “thanks”, “wait”, “i don’t know”, and “sorry, I don’t know Korean…I am Chinese” (lol I use that…at work…when Korean ladies insist on carrying on conversations with me in Korean).  oh I also know “stop it” and “it hurts” lol.  >_<

I’m too busy laughing while watching Korean variety shows to actually pick up on words.

I think I’m going to be in trouble HAHAHA.  oh well!  It’ll be one heck of an adventure~

Maybe I’ll get lost and will find 2PM while I’m there.  If not I’ll just imagine I did. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

….Summer…but I won’t fall. (harhar)

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Holy, it’s been MONTHS~!
I didn’t even realise it.  Or maybe I did but I really had nothing to write about.

What I also didn’t realise was that I never wrote about Dong Yi, did I?  I actually haven’t really watched anything else for the past 2 months haha.  Just Dong Yi, over and over and over again.  Yes, it’s long, and yes I watched it all….in full….twice…certain parts of it COUNTLESS times.  I promise to write a review to do it justice later.

Real life has gotten me all tangled up.  I can’t even call it a roller coaster anymore, because the ups and downs are predictable and it doesn’t roll to a stop at the end.  It’s just a big fat mess.

Every year at the end of the year I do a year in review.  I actually tried to type that up here at the beginning of Dec ’01, but stopped because I wasn’t quite sure what I accomplished in 2011.  Then I sorted through iPhoto and realised I did a heck of a lot last year…probably more than any other year before that.  THEN effing life caught up and stabbed me in the heart a couple of times and I didn’t have the energy to think.  But all in all I guess 27 was decent to me…it certainly tried really hard to show me that goodbyes aren’t forever.

The year started out a blur… to be stood up again and again with someone I just learned to trust. So I had to learn to let it go.  Then came a flash flood of “firsts”: first time “captaining” a softball team (or co-captaining it lol considering I don’t actually play ball lol) for BC Children’s Hospital Superheroes tournament; first time at a destination wedding (in Mexico! with a group of 40+ people! ENDLESS TEQUILA!!!! oh heaven!), which also came with my first time at a real beach (MEXICO!!! lol), first bikini, first hammock, first snorkel trip, first whale shark, etcetc; then one week after I returned from Mexico was HK for my first time as a maid of honour (congrats ta!)….then came home to a bunch of other randomness.

While my summer was full of adventure, hidden just beneath the mask I wear were heart break after heart break.  Goodbye after goodbye.  fml.  the day after the softball tournament, my wonderful manager called me and told me he was going to be leaving. Not just leaving my branch, but leaving my bank all together.  Just like that.  I was in the process of telling him about my double RBI….JesusChrist.  I cried all the way home.  and for pretty much to Mexico, and then back…especially when the onslaught of questions came because people wanted to know where my boss went.  Then I cried all the way to Hong Kong because I KNEW J would leave…and then B would leave.  My manager asked me once what made me go to work…those three guys made me want to go in to work every morning.

In the process, I found shelter with D.  When I couldn’t stand to be at the branch anymore because I couldn’t stand the questions, I couldn’t stand having lunch with two guys that were like ticking time bombs, about to blow my life apart.  D took me out to lunch and listened…and played games with me on his iPhone lol.  With him, I found safety…sanity…and while we laughed, my heart missed a couple of beats.

Summer was spent at work, and on the baseball field.  Who knew I would end up finding peace and enjoyment at a local park watching a bunch of people i didn’t even know (or understand a word they said) play baseball?

The goodbyes came, unavoidably.  But they also showed me that it’s not really goodbye if you made sure it wasn’t.  Since, we’ve met up for drinks and dinner, and even managed a weekend trip that would’ve been impossible had we been at the same branch still.  I miss them still…dearly…every morning when I walk in to work.  I wish I had the same sense of safety as when they were there…knowing someone would have my back, no matter what.

Fall came and went….then came the Christmas season.  I can’t say it was one I really want to remember.  Especially our work Christmas party…it broke my heart…but still…while on one had he held the knife which stabbed me over and over, he also managed to make me smile again.

2011 forced me to stand on my own…. how I wish I wasn’t.

the best of the best.

In a very brief nutshell…those were the main highlights of 2011.  Not that anyone cares.  I’ll be back with Dong Yi….and the new one that I’m watching: The Moon that Embraces the Sun.  Loving that one so far too.  They’re only on episode 6 in Korea, so it’ll be a while 🙂


…off the face of the earth.

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