Category Archives: Randomness

Going Home

Highschool English was always one of my favourite classes – it allowed me to enter all sorts of different worlds, just by opening a book….it allowed me to look inside myself and find my own imaginary world, on which I built the foundations for a lot of who I am today.  One of the things that came out from English class was a very cliched “Home is where your heart is”.

I no longer remember what we were reading and dissecting that day – I just remember writing a very long essay that I didn’t have to write, on the continuous question for myself…Where is Home?

Home is where the heart is.

Would home then be here in Vancouver where my parents are? Or would home be in Hong Kong, where my grandma is.

I miss my grandma terribly when I am not in Hong Kong. So when my world here came crashing down, my family sent me back home to Hong Kong to heal.  Yet in those 3 months I was there, my heart missed my parents in Canada.  So I came back.  Only to miss Hong Kong all over again.

Each time I land in HK, and the bus is just about to enter the city.  Just as soon as I see the lights of Central light up in front of me – my heart says “I am home”.  Yet every time I leave YVR and take in a deep breath of air, my heart again says “I am home”.

Back and forth, I continue to wonder where my heart is…where is my home?

A few years ago, I discovered the beauty that is Korea.  Not quite fully developed, even within the bustling city of Seoul, Korea offered to me a little bit of the best of my two worlds.  Seoul is a busy city – there are lots of people, lots of traffic, world class transportation and metro systems, shopping and food everywhere you turn.  Yet, if I took a deep breath, there was the fresh air…and there was that space I so dearly need.

So now, I have added a 3rd home to my life – Korea.

Over the years I have also grown to understand that having more than one place where I love, and am loved, to call home is a blessing.

I just returned from my two homes on one side of the Pacific – and will be returning there in a month.  After this trip…I wonder when life will take me back to Seoul?

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Winter, Spring…

It’s always so exciting to plan trips.  I’ve actually probably never planned any trips before. hahaha.  Mexico was planned by the wedding planner (and the excursions were decided on the spot when we arrived), HK is just going home. Vegas…I just went along…

BUT THIS TIME! I’m planning for myself…cuz I’m pretty much going by myself lol. To a land of unknown.  Unknown cuz well I don’t understand their language and they most probably won’t understand mine.  I wonder if my mediocre Mandarin will work in Korea. lol.  Either way I’m so super excited…and really nervous.

I’m studying hard…to hopefully know more than “hi”, “thanks”, “wait”, “i don’t know”, and “sorry, I don’t know Korean…I am Chinese” (lol I use that…at work…when Korean ladies insist on carrying on conversations with me in Korean).  oh I also know “stop it” and “it hurts” lol.  >_<

I’m too busy laughing while watching Korean variety shows to actually pick up on words.

I think I’m going to be in trouble HAHAHA.  oh well!  It’ll be one heck of an adventure~

Maybe I’ll get lost and will find 2PM while I’m there.  If not I’ll just imagine I did. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

….Summer…but I won’t fall. (harhar)

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Because I’m Stupid…

So if you know me, which you probably don’t, I really really believe in Karma.  I try my hardest to collect the good kind of karma….but sometimes, karma just likes to kick me in the butt.  I suppose that’s its way to keep me on my toes.

I’ve been fairly confused recently, to say the least.  At first I thought it was just me being…me. Overthinking and over-analysing everything; which generally just leads to me stressing myself out some more.

As if life wasn’t stressful enough as is (audit dropped in for a visit. unofficial or otherwise, it’s more stressful than sleeping with a time bomb), I just function better when I’m ready to rip my own hair out I guess?

Found time somewhere in between to watch the last segment of Harry Potter.  The movie was more than I had hoped for, because to be honest, I’ve been so disappointed with most of the HP movies that I didn’t expect much.  But it was brilliant, and I pretty much teared up every 5 minutes started from scene one when they showed Harry Potter sitting beside Dobby’s grave.  And definately when they did a scene showing Fred and George getting ready to fight and they asked each other if they’re alright. *sniffles* oh Feorge (or would it be Gred?). and SNAPE! *snuffles-sniff-bawls*.  I remember reading the book, and Snape wasn’t as….gentle…about explaining things…and how he’d forced Harry to look him in the eye.  It was an epiphany when I read the book. It just hit me in the gut, and then stabbed me a couple of times in the heart…sighs. Poor Snape.  And I won’t ruin it for you, but Harry and Dumbledore actually had my favourite conversation in the book (Dumbledore has said something in pretty much every book that I’ve really loved lol)

“Tell me one last thing,” said Harry. “Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?”
“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

It made my day. I live by that line, just in case you wonder why I’m strange sometimes.

I had asked before, whether you would just reach out and take what’s given to you, or try to attain something that’s pretty much unattainable?

I’ve chosen to reach…but for the unattainable.  Why? Well…the title says it all. Since I am stupid, might as well enjoy the song and one of my fave BOF scenes. Sighs, JiHoo….

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never gone…never far…

went to the NKOTBSB concert part I in vancouver, and for 3 hours, i was 13 again. ❤

also had my very late birthday dinner with the mexican crew. oh riviera maya, how i miss you so.

cleaning room after one month of living out of a suitcase. i don’t know what to do with all this space.

and finally, dusting off my notebook and begin writing again.

what do i write? non-sense. daydreams onto paper.

but still. it’s a great way to escape reality, isn’t it?

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not ready for reality

it’s my birthday tomorrow.

i’m celebrating with Rita for the first time in half a decade plus. 
was originally going to celebrate with kathy also in like half a decade.

why are my two best so bloody far away?! roar.

i miss vancouver.

but i also miss hong kong already.

p.s. would you go for what’s within reach, or reach for the unattainable?

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(side note)

Apparently if you only sleep an average of 4 hours in a span of one week, add in 13 hours of plane riding, and then 30C+ weather….body shuts down. =P I literally passed out on the sofa as soon as I stepped into the house.  Not unlike being drunk…not entirely a bad sort of feeling.

Plane ride was uneventful…did some detours in midair to avoid nasty weather and northeren Japan (gah).  Did lots and lots of thinking. (I really shouldn’t. But I really do miss you.)

Today? Went shopping. (Of course). Bought stuff (Of course).

Fell asleep on my aunt’s living room floor (the cat nimbly stepped over me to get to his bed).

I didn’t feel like coming home this time.  It makes me so sad (where’s home NOW?!)

Just really tired. (Will you hold me while I sleep?)

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What If?

Recently, I’ve caught myself wondering about that a lot.  What if….?

Dare I say that perhaps, if I had chosen differently in the first place….
But even as I lie here thinking what would’ve happened, I understand myself just a little bit more.  Looking back, I now know that in all it’s cliche-ness, it wasn’t him, it was me.  I wasn’t ready for it.  How could I have been, when I was tossed aside so easily?  When I couldn’t look in the mirror anymore because it was a stranger staring back at me?  How could someone get to know me, when I was only a shadow?

Everything happened for a reason…I know it.  I believe it.  Still, sometimes these reasons are a bitter pill to swallow.
Yet because there has been so much bitter, the sweet is that much sweeter.

Nat told me that nothing’s impossible, and any barrier can be overcome.  Makes me smile and think of how he was there when I just really needed to get away from it all.

Side note.  The Canucks lost the cup tonight. Game 7. As much as it breaks my heart, I cannot say I was surprised.  When they decided to start Luongo, I already let that dream go.  Next year, boys.  I’m still so very proud of every accomplishment you’ve made, and ever so thankful for bringing me back to the dream.  Hank, Danny…no words; your love and enthusiasm for the game inspires…the fact that you do what you do and still stay as classy as you do?  It warms my heart and makes me proud. Love you both!

Still believe in you!

++

They say I’m always happy; I say I’m excellent at wearing a mask.

How well do you know me?

.x.o.

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